Ice Beneath the Skin
by Bea-the-Bee
Summary: It started with an early morning phone call. Afterwards, Dave's life feels like it's crumbling beneath him. Davekat, little story and boop! Sadstuck! M just in case 'cause i'm a paranoid little shit bomb... read on if you will.
1. Chapter 1

I was sleeping soundly in bed when the vibrating of my phone awoke me. I squirmed under my covers, trying to block out the annoying sound. I would call back the person who was rude enough to call at -what time was it? Early. But the buzzing still continued. I turned to face my bed stand just as the buzzing ended. I let out a small sigh of relief.

I jumped nearly sky high when it started up again. I grumbled some curses and picked up. "Hello?" I said groggily.

"Hey, why didn't you answer earlier? Wait, crap, you were probably sleeping, weren't you? Sorry, I'll just hang up." I heard a friend's voice say. I still wasn't fully awake yet and my vision was blurry but I knew well enough that it was Karkat.

"No, no! Don't hang up! I've been awake for a full few seconds." I joked. I hoped he got that and didn't take me literally. I couldn't have dealt with that at the moment. "Uh, what is it?" I asked. I moved the clock a bit to see the time. 8 A.M. Great. Mom already left.

"Oh, good." he said, chuckling a bit. "I just needed some advice. I've been up all night thinking about it and I thought that maybe you could help."

I was a bit confused, but answered, "Sure, what is it?" anyways.

"I need help with. . .um, er. . ." he stumbled over his words a bit which made me question what on Earth it could be. "Relationship stuff." He finally stammered. I was so surprised that I sat up and banged my head on the inconveniently shelf that hung above my bed. "What was that?" He asked.

"Ow. . .er-Nothing. I just banged my head into something." I said. "I mean foot!" I added quickly. I forgot for a moment that I had supposedly been up and around the house already and there wasn't really anything that was at my head height. Probably because I'm the tallest guy in our grade.

I rubbed my forehead and swung my feet over the edge of my bed. I hopped down to the ground and stretched a bit, keeping my phone to my ear. "So. . .what relationship advice do you need?" I asked anxiously. I was the school's matchmaker and it was hopefully going to be my career when I got older. I'd already given relationship advice to everyone, except for Karkat. He would deny it if you ever brought it up, but he had a deep passion for romantic books. I knew because I'd caught him reading one a long time ago. He'd kill me if he found out I knew.

I had been awaiting a certain call like this from him. He'd been the only person I hadn't given advice to even though I knew he struggled with that sort of stuff the most. He'd always dreamed of having a relationship like in his stories, but never had the courage to ask anyone he liked to go out with him. It made me sad to see him so depressed about it. I knew he had liked someone in our friend group who I think likes him back. But he's been too ignorant to notice. I'd only imagined the conversation to happen when I was more awake.

I put him on speaker and started listening while choosing my clothes.

"Not much." He said. "I-I just really like this guy."  
I nodded a bit and said sarcastically, "Yeah, I kinda got that." I slipped my pants on. "Tell me about him. Does he have a name?"

"Uh, yeah. But I'd rather not say it. . ." I could tell he was sincerely embarrassed about it just by his voice, so I respected him and said, "All right, go on."

"Yeah, so. . .he has really long hair. Actually, it's pretty much the same length as yours." He stammered. I ran my fingers through my hair a bit on instinct. It barely made it past my earlobes and had a sort of white look to it, even though it was mostly a light blond. I'd been growing it out for a few months and everyone was surprised it hadn't grown an inch past my earlobes. I must admit, so was I. I always sort of touched it's tips whenever someone mentioned it. I certainly had gotten a lot of attention since it'd been cut.

There was only one guy that both Karkat and I knew who had hair as short as long as mine. It was a really derpy dude named John, who just so happened to be my best bro. I didn't say anything though, making sure my hypothesis was right. "And he's really tall. Like, so tall that I'd have to climb a ladder just to speak to him face to face. And don't get me started on his behavior. He's so annoying. He can't keep conversation going even in his life depended on it. And he always wears this stupid smile on his face and jumps around making noise, but only when it's just us. If anyone else is around, he tends to snap and get really nasty." I thought for a little while, half listening to what he was saying. John was known to be energetic and pretty short. Karkat sure did like to exaggerate a lot, so maybe. . .

I couldn't help the jealousy that was crawling up my stomach. He did like him. Although I would probably never admit it to his face, I'd had the biggest crush on him for the longest time. I'd always thought that it was cute how he went on long winded rants and would order people around. But hearing him say he liked someone else hurt me a lot. But I shook out my feelings and forced myself to listen again.

I went into my kitchen to prepare breakfast for myself.

"And he doesn't really listen to anyone. He can't be bothered with what anybody tells him to do. Oh, and he's already working even though he's our age. Like, his parents work 24/7 and just leave him at home to do his own thing. They usually go spend it on useless things like alcohol and shit like that. It makes me feel really weak. He's providing for himself and protecting himself from his parents' abuse all on his own." he slowed down near the end.

I slowly munched on my cereal. I had no idea me and John's situations at home were so similar. Of course, it didn't really surprise me. He did do her own thing most of the time. After I'd swallowed, I asked, "Okay, good to know the bad stuff about him. Could you tell me the good stuff? You know, like, the stuff you like about him?"

He sighed deeply and started talking again. But it wasn't the good stuff he liked about her.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come to you about this stuff."

I stopped shoveling cereal into my mouth and said, "Well, who else would you come to?"

"I don't know, but I shouldn't have come to you for it."

I'd tried the entire conversation to conceal the fact that it hurt me to hear him directly say that he liked someone else. But I didn't know how he even knew about my little crush. I decided to play it off like I didn't know what he was talking about. "Karkat, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm pretty much your only friend who can give good advice about this stuff. Tell me why you shouldn't have come to me."

"Dave. You know perfectly well why I shouldn't have." He said. His tone was grim.

I kept my eyes closed. I knew if I opened them the tears would start and nothing could stop them.

"I'm fine Karkat." My voice was unbearably shakey, but I ignored it and hoped he would too. "You like John. I'm okay with that. So, hang up. Call him up and tell him how you feel. And Jayden?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me we'll still be friends despite my crush." I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to say that we would still be friends no matter what."

He sighed again.

"Please. Promise." I begged. I felt the tears start to trickled from my eyes a bit.

"Dave, I can't promise that. Beca-"

I cut him off. I hung up. I started to cry thick heavy tears. I tried to blink them away but nothing worked. Wet blinks. Dripping from my tears. When my sobs stopped, I stared at my cereal bowl. I pushed it an arms length away. I'd suddenly lost my appetite.


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat called several times after that, but I only ignored his number. I couldn't stand to talk to him. Not after what he'd said. Eventually, I texted him. It didn't end too well. . .

**Sent To: Karkat**

_You need to call him. Soon. He's going to be going to his work soon._

**Sent To: Dave**

_No, I'm not going to call her. Emma, please pick up the phone._

**Sent To: Karkat**

_Karkat, you denied my request. You have nothing else to say to me._

**Sent To: Dave**

_But I do have something to say to you! Please, pick up!_

**Sent To: Karkat**

_Listen, if it bothers you so much that I have a crush on you, I can stop liking you. It doesn't have to be awkward. I just want to be your friend still._

**Sent To: Dave**

_But I don't want to be your friend. Please, just let me explain! I. . .Just pick up!_

_**Dave Has Blocked Your Number**_

I spent the rest of the day thinking about what had happened. He'd rejected me. And then he denied our friendship. I wanted to cry so badly. But I knew it would do no good. So, I tried to keep myself level headed and went to work.

I knew it was risky to leave the house when he was trying so hard to get a hold of me, but I didn't want to be fired. There were so few companies out there that didn't hesitate to hire teenagers without a parent's consent. I needed the job more than anything. It wasn't too exciting though. I had to help volunteers build houses and fences and other things. Sometimes we'd find something cool buried underground when we were digging. But usually it was just building.

I worked my heart out and took hardly any breaks. I didn't want to stop to think about what had happened just hours earlier and took pleasure in the feeling of exhaustion. It meant that I wouldn't have to think about the rejection or the rude words or anything.

I took the bus home and was undelieted to find my mother was already there.

I let out a long sigh before I stepped through my front door. I prepared myself as much as I could for a big beating. I hadn't been home before eight and mom took her dinner at five. I was three hours late to making her dinner and she was not going to be happy about it.

I wandered around a bit, looking for her and finally went into the kitchen. I suspected she was expecting her dinner soon, so I started cooking. When it was done, I took two plates into the dining room. I found her sitting there. I set her plate in front of her with a large glass of wine. It made me shiver, giving her the poison. But I knew the punishment for not doing so.

"Sorry I was late. I was working hard and we wanted to finish up the project today so. . ." I apologized, not looking at her. I poked my dinner a bit, still unappetizing. There was an awful taste in my mouth that just wouldn't go away. I finally glanced up at my mom, curious as to why she hadn't reacted to my bad news to see her looking down at a cell phone. I soon realized it was my cell phone.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I asked. I knew it was dangerous to question her when she was drunk, which was always, but she was invading my privacy and I wanted an explanation as to why.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"Mom?"

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry you had to have this hpapen. Er. . .happen." She said. She stumbled over her words all the time. "I read you'r txets and I fell-f-f-feel terible. C'mere." she opened her arms and reached for me. She stood up and hugged me tightly. It was the first time she'd ever touched me gently.

I felt a huge barrier break and the tears started flowing. I sobbed hard into her shirt and she hugged me tighter, saying things like, "Shhh. Shhhh. There, there. I'm here. I'm so sorry." It felt good to have her hug me like that. I felt almost like I wasn't the daughter of a drunk for a little while.

She took me into the kitchen and gave me ice-cream and made me hot cocoa.

I fell asleep on the couch, chocolate staining my lips and tears staining my cheeks and I was held all through the night by my mom.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to the sound of shattering glass. I jumped a bit and looked out the window. I saw my mom standing outside over the garbage can. She was dumping all of her alcohol bottles into it. I pulled on a sweatshirt and ran out to see her.

"Mom, what are you doing!?"

She turned to me with tired eyes. They were red, indicating she'd been crying.

"Mom?" I asked as she pulled me in for another hug.

"I wasn't able to be there for you when your heart was broken. I could only be there for part of it. I wasn't there when you grew up. I haven't been there for you ever. And I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Dave. I don't deserve to be called a mom. I've beaten you, and I've hurt you and I have. . ." she started sobbing uncontrollably into my shirt. I placed my hands on her shoulder blades and whispered the words to a little song she'd sing to me when I was younger.

"_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take. . .my sunshine. . .away._" I sang. My mom stopped crying for a little while. She hugged me closer as I sang the words again until her sobs stopped all together.

When I pulled away, she wiped her eyes. I gave her a reassuring smile.

She picked up the last bottle and glanced at me. I placed a hand on her shoulder and nodded. She sighed a sort of relieved and tired sigh. Then she smashed the bottle into the bin, making a pleasing shattering noise. I smiled a bit. A tiny voice in the back of my head shouted out in excitement, _No more wine! No more alcohol! No more booze! No more bruises!_ I reminded myself to dance around in happiness later.

I patted her on the back, a sort of congratulation.

We started back to the house when I suddenly heard my name.

I turned around to see who it was and was startled to see Karkat. He was running up my driveway like a madman. He was shouting my name frantically, like he couldn't see where I was. I started to step back a little bit when I realized he wasn't slowing down. He rammed into me at full force and knocked some breath out of me.

The sound that I made was pathetic.

I let out a small wheeze then a squeak when his arms wrapped tight around me.

I couldn't move my arms since he'd pinned them to my sides, but if I had, he would've been pushed to the ground and kicked. I could hear my mom mumble excuses for going inside and one of them I think was "I have to bring the cat an apple" which made me think maybe she wasn't quite as sober as I thought she was. But she scampered inside anyways and left me and Karkat alone outside.

I was sure the neighbors were getting a kick out of the whole thing and that thought made me whisper, "Could we do this somewhere else?. . .At a different time perhaps?" But my only answer was, "You're a bastard, you know that? You're a damn bastard." He started sobbing into my sweatshirt. His hold was tight and I felt like all the air was being sucked out of me, but mostly because it was the first time he'd hugged me. I was surprised at how strong such a little munchkin could be, but ignored it when he started speaking through his sobs.

"Dave, I have been trying to explain that I don't like John." He finally said. I froze. No breath left my lungs, no words left my lips and no movements left my body. The only thing that was happening in my vacant body was a billion thoughts.

I finally shivered a bit when a chilly breeze came through. That seemed to break me from the trance. Karkat pulled away a bit and took my hand. "C'mon." he led me to my backyard. I followed obediently, too shocked to refuse and too stunned to react.

When we made it to my old swing set, he turned to face me.

"I know I was stupid to have asked you advice on my crush on. . .you. But I told you before, I'd spent all night thinking about it." I stared hard into his eyes, questioning if he might be lying and this was all a cruel joke, a hoax. "That's why I couldn't be your friend. I don't want that label. I don't want to be just your friend. And I didn't want you to stop liking me."

His last statement pulled me out of my thoughts.

"That's right. . .you knew that I liked you and you never told me you liked me back! Why the hell did you do that? I've spent the past few _years_ wondering if you could ever like me back. And now you just tell me out of the blue? _Years_, Karkat. _Years._ I can't see why you didn't say anything before." I shouted. I felt so angry I didn't even care that one of the stray cats that hung out out there hissed at me and ran away.

Karkat took a step back and held up his hands in innocence. I crossed my arms and huffed. "I just don't see why you made me wait years. Or what. . ." I sighed a bit. I averted my eyes to the ground and stared for a while. I rubbed my left arm vigorously. A little habit I'd acquired.

"Or. . ." Karkat repeated.

I looked up into his big brown eyes and questioned slightly why he had to be so adorable.

"Or what made you fall for me." I said. His mouth fell open a little bit. I squinted my eyes closed. I didn't want to look at his stupid face anymore. I turned to the side slightly. I wanted to just walk away from the conversation, just pretend it never happened. But Karkat grabbed my shoulder and turned me back towards him. I kept my head lowered until he cupped my cheek and forced me to face him.

He came closer to me. His gloves let out a little bit of his warmth to my cheek. I held his hand on my cheek and squished my face into it a bit more. I closed my eyes and tried to let the warmth spread all over me. I was only wearing a tank top underneath my thin sweatshirt and it was almost the middle of December.

I couldn't tell how close Karkat had gotten with my eyes closed, but I could tell it was close. But apparently, he'd gotten closer than I'd predicted.

He kissed me.

My eyes flew open and I almost pushed him away. But he pushed himself closer to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. I shivered again a bit, but it was a shiver of delight. I felt my eyes drift closed and I pushed into the kiss.

I felt as light as a feather. I felt all bubbly inside and nearly skipped inside.

When we went in, I found a letter left by my mom. It read:

Dear Dave,

Went to get some groceries. ) Help yourself to anything in the fridge and no sex!

Love, Mom

I nearly died right then and there. Karkat had me under his arm and read the note right along side me. He could only stare at me while I crumpled the filthy piece of paper up. I blushed uncontrollably as I threw it away.

"I'm so sorry. She just started being sober today so I think she's not all. . .up there." I said. I pointed to my own head when I said that. He chuckled a bit at that and I joined in. It felt good to laugh after a couple of days of no fun.

"So, what do you want to do?" he asked. I looked around the room a little, searching for things to do. I eventually just shrugged. He fell into the couch and signaled for me to do the same. I did so and removed my jacket. He did too.

We couldn't find anything to do. So, we cuddled and watched TV. It was silly. We couldn't pay attention to the show we were watching. We were too busy saying nothing and feeling each other's warmth to even think about what was flickering on the screen in front of us. I can't really remember what happened in that long period of time.

When he finally had to go, I whispered to him, "I don't want this to be good bye." I cringed slightly at how much that sounded like a line from a movie, but it was the honest truth. He pulled me in for another kiss and whispered back to me, "What can I say to make this a little bit easier?" with a great big grin.

I giggled a bit but still asked, "Are we officially dating?"

He laughed hard and said, "Of course. I'm gonna change my facebook status and everything." We busted out laughing and for once, I felt like I'd genuinely had the best day of my life.


	4. Chapter 4

That was four years ago. Nothing of significance has happened since then. There was Christmas, of which it was the first year I ever got presents and then the first New Year's Eve when mom didn't drink. I knew it was hard on her to resist the urge to drive over to the liquor store and pick up some wine to celebrate.

Me and Karkat graduated from high school just last summer. It's another winter and we are both in college. It's hard to admit it, but we broke up once we found out we were going to different colleges on opposite sides of the country. I was a little worried about my mom being all alone in our big house, but luckily, my aunt moved in with us a while ago, so she should be fine.

It's just me now. I have a roommate, but he doesn't stick around that often. It's been hard on me. I thought Karkat was going to be the one. At least the break-up was mutual and we're still pretty good friends. I can't tell what the future holds now.

I'm passing with flying colors, but I just can't find the enjoyment I had when I was at school goofing off with my friends and hanging out with karkat. At my college, I have so many classes and late nights it's hard to find time to hang out with any friends, if I had any. School's been taking up most of my time and I still have a job to maintain so I can't seem to make any friends.

There's no time to meet boys or find anyone to talk to, so I end up alone most of the time.

I had a great thing back in Iowa. I can't believe I actually left that behind.

It's cold. I have a thick jacket on, but it does nothing against the cold winds. I feel almost as if I have ice under my skin. And I bet nobody will melt it the way Karkat had. A few tears stream down my cold cheeks, burning like white fire. I feel like a jerk. But I'll still have to get up to go to school in the morning. Maybe I will visit Karkat for the break.

Probably not.


End file.
